Better Left Untold
by Pochettino
Summary: He knew that they're both hurting in this relationship. But he couldn't bear to lose her again. Kinda implying  one-sided NetherNesia.


This fic is dedicated to my friend. Yes, you know who you are lol. I hope that you all will enjoy this little crappy fic of mine, which staring my country's personification, Indonesia! Himaruya haven't included her yet, oh but I hope he will soon! :D Anyways...

Disclaimer: You know the rules.

Oh well, enjoy now.

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><p>Loving her was hard.<p>

Even now, when he cradled her tiny frame around his protective arms; He still couldn't really forgive her for all that she has done to him. Conscience being torn apart on whether to trust her once more, or to break her just like how she had trampled on his feelings. Tearing them apart as if it meant less than her fucking independence from him.

_After all, he wasn't oblivious that subtle bitterness that swirled at the back of his tongue every time he called her with that despicable name, 'Indonesia'._

She was no longer his beloved Dutch East Indische ―_ maybe if she was, everything would be better_.

But of course, nothing ever got better for him, for she was nothing but a mirror of the woman he had loved.

And he realized, beyond the shadows of doubt, that she would not be the same anymore.

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><p>There was a time when he stumbled upon an old picture of him and her, from the time when she was still his, and she never thought of leaving him behind.<p>

He quickly ripped it into pieces.

Looking at how he was used to be― How _they_ were used to be unsettled him. They were too happy, too damned bright for him to see.

_What once a heart filled with adoration, now was filled with pure black hatred. _

People said that time cures all wounds, but then 66 years wasn't long enough to forget; at least not for him.

... He had hoped it wasn't long enough for her to forget as well.

_He wouldn't forgive her if she did._

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><p>He hated it when she smiled. It made him wondered about things that he didn't like to dwell into very much.<p>

Like if she remembered that it was the same smile that she wore when she won her freedom from him.

... It also made him wondered if it was a right choice of letting her entering his life once again.

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><p>It was wrong to love a person, when you knew you hated them all the same.<p>

He wasn't supposed to love her. She would hurt him again, and he simply couldn't stand that same pain which had assaulted him before. He wondered if he could simply reassemble his heart after having to recover it from shambles; whether if he had the strength to.

_She will ruin you_, his heart reminded. _You couldn't possibly love her again, could you.._.?

He chuckled, his voice sounded hollow even to him.

Well, if only he had what was called common sense, he wouldn't fall in love with her. It was just as simple as that.

Deep down in his heart, he knew he didn't have one in the first place.

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><p>She had asked him if he loved her. He had said yes.<p>

Her hug tighten slightly around him, then she softly asked if he had meant it.

_His mind screamed no_. But he said yes anyway.

In the very end, she never knew that he had lied to her.

Nor would he ever know the silent bead of tears that trickle down her eyes that time.

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><p>Pretending that everything was okay between both of them, that they actually loved each other, was hard.<p>

He was tired.

He wanted her to realize that he wasn't okay. That they're both hurting in this petty relationship.

He suspected that she already knew, but then she did nothing.

No-one ever did.

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><p>Everything was crumbling apart.<p>

He couldn't keep his facade anymore.

But then, he couldn't let her go.

'_She is mine. I won't let her leave me again._'

He didn't realize that it was the time to move on.

_... But she did._

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><p>"I can't take this anymore."<p>

His grasp on his pen went slack, resulting in it clattering on the floor. He quickly diverted his attention from the documents he was assigned for and fixing his gaze on to the gorgeous Indonesian woman in front of him. "Why so sudden..?" His voice was hollow, yielding no sorrow at all. There was... _Nothing_ in it. He _felt_ nothing at all.

It seemed that his heart had withered. All because of her.

She glared at him. "Stop it. Stop acting like you don't know anything Lars!"

He shot her a dangerous look. "Nesi― "

"Shut up..! Please, don't lie to me any more than this... I may not have the technology as advanced as you are, but I'm.. I'm not _stupid,_ Lars." Her voice wavered, hands clutching the place where her heart was supposed to be. He knew that she was hurting as much as he was; that she was tired from all of this facade. But then on a small corner of his mind, he couldn't deny that there's a hint of unreasonable glee.

_Is it wrong to feel the slightest bit of satisfaction when he knew that he was the one who had hurt her...?_

_'Well, she's the one who had left you before. She might as well deserve it, no..?'_

No.

_No_, his heart whispered. Wasn't all of this enough...? Didn't they suffer enough already..? Both of them..?

_It's time to let go._

"I guess this is goodbye then..?" He asked.

She pondered for a while. "As long as there's no hard feelings."

They both shared a small smile at the statement. "I guess you know me too well to know that I'm going to say yes." Lars chuckled, softly patting the head of the woman in front of him.

He realized that he _might_ not hate her anymore.

She laughed at that too, hands reaching to caress his cheek. "Take care, Lars. And I'm― I'm sorry. For everything."

_'This settles it then.' _He thought with a smile. She knew his suffering, and he knew her suffering. No-one should be hurt anymore.

"One last kiss...?"

Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Of course."

The kiss didn't last long. It was sweet and chaste, and it made him wished that maybe they could still be together; But he knew this had to end. After relishing the soft texture of her lips for the last time, he finally broke the kiss. "Goodbye, Nesia." He whispered, a wry smile was tugged on his lips.

She also smiled, but this time with tears finally trickling down her cheeks. "Goodbye."

She left the room, leaving him alone with traces of jasmine scent; The proof that she had been here the moment before.

He sat down, finally letting his own tears spilled up.

_'This was for the best.'_ He reassured himself. They were simply not meant for each other.

In the end, he never truly told her that he loved her.

_But then.. Some things are better left unsaid._


End file.
